In any relationship, disagreements are bound to come up at one time or another. How you and your partner handle differences of opinion may strengthen or destroy your relationship.

If you find that you and your partner are arguing constantly, it’s time to evaluate the relationship. But if your arguments are occasional or rare, understanding the difference between constructive and destructive arguments may help you avoid causing your relationship unnecessary harm.

1. What is the argument about? Once you have identified the conflict, then stick to the point and don’t let it stray to other issues.

2. Find time to talk it out Don’t start a discussion that you don’t have time to finish. You might even have to schedule your argument for a time when you are both ready and in a place that is suitable. Don’t argue when you are hungry, tired or upset!

3. Start sentences with “I” and not “You” Saying things like “You hurt me when…” or “You never do this for me…” are accusatory and blaming. Better to say “I feel hurt when…” or “I would like more help doing this…”.

4. Listen If you are preparing your response the entire time your mate is talking, you aren’t really hearing what they are saying. Try to understand how your mate feels. It must be important to him/her or you wouldn’t be having the discussion in the first place.

5. Don’t throw out insults Calling your partner lazy or stupid is going to turn the dicussion into a name-calling session and the problem will only get worse. Your partner is unlikely to listen to your point of view at that point.

6. Don’t be afraid to voice your feelings Let your partner know how strongly you feel about the issue, but also let him/her know how you feel about your relationship, and that you want to better it by resolving the conflict.

7. Don’t be defensive If you take the disagreement as a criticism of you, you will likely withdraw and not express your true feelings or opinions. Try to focus on the issue.

8. Stop if the argument becomes heated Agree to take a break from the argument if either of you becomes angry or needs to calm down. Taking time out is better than allowing the discussion to become destructive rather than constructive.

9. Don’t bring others into the argument Repeating what others think of the situation may work against you. Keep personal issues personal to avoid feelings of betrayal of trust.

10. Be willing to concede Winning is not the important thing in an argument but it is in your relationship.