Scientists have discovered that much of that heady first response that we call love may be thanks to the release of a chemical in our brains. The protein, a type of neurotrophin, gives rise to the feelings we associate with falling in love.

Not only that, but apparently these effects wear off after a time, allowing the extreme early feelings to mellow into a less passionate but potentially more stable relationship with the loved one. Which is something of a relief, since the headline announces that “Romantic love lasts just a year” - for a moment I thought we’d all been doomed to very brief relationships indeed.

These researches into the mechanisms of our feelings are all very interesting and worthy, I’m sure, but too often a crucial question is never asked. It may well be true that this neurotrophin is responsible for the feelings we experience in the first flush of love but what causes the chemical to be released in the first place? It seems to me that the chemical is much more a result than a cause and that the scientists are trying to catch a will o’ the wisp in all this.

By Clive Allen

John Gray’s 1992 bestselling book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, was based on the premise that men and women live on different planets when it comes to relationships.

Gray has now published a sequel, Why Mars And Venus Collide, which attempts to show how to improve relationships by understanding how men and women cope with life and stress.

Here are six points from the book on how to make your man a better partner.

1. Trust him
Show a positive belief in his abilities and intentions and he will become a more caring and attentive partner.

2. Acceptance
Don’t try to improve him, accept him as he is. When a man feels accepted it is much easier to listen and give you the understanding you need.

3. Appreciation
When a man feels his efforts are appreciated he is motivated to respect his partner more.

4. Admiration
When a man feels his unique characteristics, like sense of humor and strength, are admired, he will feel secure enough to devote himself to you.

5. Approval
An approving attitude recognizes the good behind what a man does. When he receives approval, it becomes easier for him to accept a woman’s feelings and point of view.

6. Encouragement
A woman’s encouragement gives hope and courage to a man by expressing confidence in his abilities and character. This motivates him to give her the loving reassurance she needs.

You too can bring out your man’s inner Romeo, writes John Gray. Some good pointers for St. Valentine’s Day.

So many normal people are looking for romance these days, as if a fulfilling home life and a engrossing job are not enough.

It’s as if something is missing in the modern world where internet porn is standard fare for many people. Naturally, the web caters for this perceived lack of sparkle in many people’s lives.

As an example, there is an internet dating service established for the only purpose of enabling married people to commit adultery. It claims to have more than 100,000 members in the UK alone.

A reporter who tried it out gives us this example of a typical “date”.

“I arrange to meet a 41-year-old mother of two who misses “romance and flirting”, in a cafe in two days’ time. … She turns up, a blonde with lipstick on her teeth. She looks furtively around and asks me if I’m nervous. I say that if she stops twitching, I’ll calm down. There is tension in the air like North and South Korea coming together to hammer out a treaty.

“Suddenly the realization of how odd it is to meet a stranger with the express intention of having an affair dawns on me. Romeo and Juliet it is not. … But she is an old hand at this type of encounter and tells me she’s met many men through the site, and that I was probably the only one who hadn’t lied about my age. She tells me she thinks relationships have a shelf life of about ten years before boredom sets in, but that she stays married to ensure her children have a stable home.

“After discussing how mundane marriages become and avoiding questions about my personal life, it’s clear we’re past our sell-by date after ten minutes, never mind ten years. There is zero chemistry. She doesn’t want to discuss her husband, and I feel uneasy talking to her. Despite this, she still seems keen to flirt with me.

“In the end, we agree to part and she wishes me luck and assures me I’ll find the perfect paramour. So much for raging passion. This was like having a meeting with a new accountant with a helping of self-disgust thrown in. For all the glossy, sexy chat and out-of-date pictures posted online, this is the rather tawdry, mundane reality of these adulterous assignations. A pub on a wet afternoon and two people who have little to talk about except whether or not they are going to have a meaningless fling.”

Romance is most certainly isn’t

Throughout the ages, men have known that the way to a woman’s heart is little gentle flattery. Compliments, they knew, were the lubricants of successful encounters with the opposite sex.

Now, the latest research shows, women need to be complimented five times a day — minimum.

According to a survey carried out by Loire Valley White Wines, nine out of ten women say they love to be complimented. However, only 16 percent thought they received their five a day. Two-thirds thought they were being complimented less than they were five years ago, and believed gentle flattery was becoming a lost art.

Modern feminism seems to have a lot to answer for, because 21st-century men assume a compliment will cause offence. On the other side of the track, most women are highly likely to suspect the motives of anyone offering an admiring comment.

Relationship expert Christine Webber says, “In my experience, women do care a great deal about what people think about them. A compliment massively boosts self-esteem. And while it may seem frivolous, it is in fact a vital ingredient for well-being.”

She adds that many men are terrified of an innocent remark being wrongly interpreted. “I think political correctness and fear of saying the wrong thing is the main cause of men failing to compliment women who are not their partners.”

As many as 81 percent wanted to be complimented on their hair or clothing, while 79 percent longed to hear they are stylish, and 73 percent that they looked slimmer.

Webber added, “We have busy lives and people tend to assume a lot and forget to say things. And yet compliments can act like oil in an engine — they help everything to run smoother. Couples who give frequent compliments to one another tend to treat each other with courtesy and respect and that helps keep their relationships alive.”