How to be a Latin lover — Part 2

Adapted from “Latin Love Lessons” by Charlotte Higgins, Short Books

We all know we’re not going to get a date by sitting at home. Ovid insists we get out there into the town or city and create our own opportunities to meet people.

Be bold, he cries, talk to those girls hanging out at the temple of Palatine Apollo or in Pompey’s portico — or even at a nightclub.

For girls, never, ever, turn down an invitation to a party, is his advice. Makes sense :

Arrive late, when the lamps are lit;
Make a graceful entrance —
Delay enhances charm, delay’s a great bawd.
Plain you may be, but at night
you’ll look fine to the tipsy:
Soft lights and shadows will mask your faults.

For the guys, you might just want to factor in that flattering lighting when sizing up girls :

Don’t trust the lamplight too much,
It’s deceptive. When Paris examined those
Goddesses, when he said:
“You beat them both, Venus,” he did it in broad
Daylight. But darkness hides faults, each
Blemish is forgiven:
Any woman you name will pass
As a beauty at night.

Striking up a conversation is easy, insists Ovid. If you’re sitting next to a pretty girl at the races :

Find some excuse to engage in friendly conversation,
Casual small talk at first —
Ask, with a show of interest,
Whose are those horses
Just coming past: find out
Her favourite, back it yourself.
When the long procession of ivory deities approaches, be sure you give a big hand to Lady Venus.
If some dust should settle
In your girl’s lap, flick it away
With your fingers; and if there’s no dust,
Still flick away — nothing.

A potential seducer should give a broad hint of his intentions by applauding Venus, the goddess of love, when the procession of images of the gods passes. The modern equivalent of that situation is hard to find, but applause for anything draws attention.

It seems that the Romans were also aware of the “flicking away the dust” trick — a tried and trusted method, even 2,000 years ago.

Next : Moving in on your target.

How to be a Latin lover — Part 1

Adapted from “Latin Love Lessons” by Charlotte Higgins, Short Books

Where would you get advice on how to be a Latin lover? Well, would you believe straight from the horse’s mouth?

It seems the Romans were great chroniclers and writers of self-help books, especially on all things romantic.

First off, the poet Ovid on how to ensnare the love of your life, Roman-style. He believed in meticulous preparations — packaging is everything. Today we would call this a makeover :

For men

“Keep your nails pared and dirt-free;
Don’t let those long hairs sprout .”

But don’t go over the top with the boy-beauty regimes.

“Don’t think it’s a good idea to style your hair with curling irons, or depilate your legs with stinging pumice.”

For the ladies

“I was going to advise you about grim, goaty armpits and rough, bristling hair on your legs.”

Keep make-up discreet, he writes, and don’t give any hint of the trouble you’ve been to.

“… don’t let your lover find all those jars and bottles
On your dressing table: the best
Make-up remains unobtrusive.”

He’s also big on hair :

“What attracts us is elegance — so don’t neglect your hairstyle:
Looks can be made or marred by a skilful touch.
Nor will one style suit all: there are innumerable fashions,
And each girl should look in her glass
Before choosing what suits her reflection.
Long features go best with
A plain central parting: that’s how
Laodamia’s hair was arranged.
A round-faced lady
Should pile all her hair on top,
Leaving the ears exposed.
One girl should wear it down on
Her shoulders, like Apollo about to play
The lyre; another should braid it
in the style of the huntress
Diana, when she’s after some frightened beast,
Skirt hitched up. ”

Next : Get out and be seen.