Research has revealed that second marriages are more likely to work out due to having lower expectations and the benefit of more experience.

1,000 people from the UK responded to the study by internet research company, OnePoll, which reveals that 75 percent of us are prepared to laugh off and compromise on everyday rows with our partners second time round. Almost half of the respondents also said they felt more secure in their second marriage, while 42 percent had more patience.

Another 29 percent believed that, because they knew what went wrong in their first marriage, they could avoid making the same mistakes. Forty-seven percent even admitted that their first wedding day was one of the worst days of their life because they felt trapped.

However, three quarters of people think their first marriage has actually led to a successful second relationship because they knew what to expect, with 74 percent of people saying they grew up a lot while they were with their first husband or wife.

Forty percent have lower expectations of what they are going to get out of their marriage and 59 percent of people say they lead more of an individual life than they did with their first partner.

A spokesman from OnePoll said: ”It seems that the experience of being married once before stands people in good stead when they walk down the aisle second time round. People who are on their second marriages also seem to have a new-found confidence having learned things about themselves and are keen to test themselves and try new activities.”

Rhian Gibbings

As a holistic therapist I’ve observed that many of my clients present with dysfunctional or failed relationships and much of their life energy is placed into seeking a harmonious union with someone special.

So often, people walk away from relationships that haven’t worked for them without looking deeper at the reasons why or exploring the dynamics of change.

This week, I’ve been immersing myself in poetry and prose. The written word is such a powerful tool and because much of my work is involved with understanding the human condition – body and soul - it fascinates me how a few heartfelt words of prose or verse can express so much in such a touching way.

As a true romantic and a believer in synchronicity, perhaps that is why I stumbled across The Culture of Honouring Project, based in Devon, UK. I was blown away by this extract from their free e-book.

Their work takes a unique perspective on transforming relationships based on the principle of re-honouring the masculine and feminine. It is sure to ring true to anyone who has experienced pain and grief in a relationship and certain to raise our romantic goals and aspirations. The e-book can be downloaded at cultureofhonouring.co.uk

The Three Men

The First Man can be powerful,
but he is emotionally under-developed,
and therefore often destructive.
He is a man’s man.

The Second Man is sensitive,
and well-intended,
but his guilt and shame make him weak.
He is a woman’s man.

The Third Man is uncompromisingly committed
to himself ~
to his own truth and life and death.

Because of this
he is powerful and sensitive enough to hear Woman,
and be guided by her.
Because of this
Woman lets this Man lead her.

The Three Women

The First Woman is tender and kind,
but afraid.
Because she is afraid
she disempowers herself,
competes with her ‘sisters’,
and colludes with the abusive power of First Man.

The Second Woman is righteous, but reactive.
She feels liberated and empowered.
She is in solidarity with her ‘sisters’.
She refuses to collude.
She condemns First Man,
and scorns the weakness of Second Man.
She is angry.

The Third Woman knows
the power of Woman ~
the power of the fiercely vulnerable heart.
She is not in imitation of the power of Man.
Her power is the power of inter-connectedness,
and surrender to the wisdom of her body.

Third Woman welcomes
the penetration of Third Man
because he doesn’t take, he gives.
He doesn’t enter her from need,
but from presentness and desire.

Third Woman delights
in his physical and emotional penetration
because he doesn’t use her,
he honours her.

Rhian Gibbings

Throughout the ages, men have known that the way to a woman’s heart is little gentle flattery. Compliments, they knew, were the lubricants of successful encounters with the opposite sex.

Now, the latest research shows, women need to be complimented five times a day — minimum.

According to a survey carried out by Loire Valley White Wines, nine out of ten women say they love to be complimented. However, only 16 percent thought they received their five a day. Two-thirds thought they were being complimented less than they were five years ago, and believed gentle flattery was becoming a lost art.

Modern feminism seems to have a lot to answer for, because 21st-century men assume a compliment will cause offence. On the other side of the track, most women are highly likely to suspect the motives of anyone offering an admiring comment.

Relationship expert Christine Webber says, “In my experience, women do care a great deal about what people think about them. A compliment massively boosts self-esteem. And while it may seem frivolous, it is in fact a vital ingredient for well-being.”

She adds that many men are terrified of an innocent remark being wrongly interpreted. “I think political correctness and fear of saying the wrong thing is the main cause of men failing to compliment women who are not their partners.”

As many as 81 percent wanted to be complimented on their hair or clothing, while 79 percent longed to hear they are stylish, and 73 percent that they looked slimmer.

Webber added, “We have busy lives and people tend to assume a lot and forget to say things. And yet compliments can act like oil in an engine — they help everything to run smoother. Couples who give frequent compliments to one another tend to treat each other with courtesy and respect and that helps keep their relationships alive.”

According to a BBC article, scientists have discovered that much of that heady first response that we call love may be thanks to the release of a chemical in our brains. The protein, a type of neurotrophin, gives rise to the feelings we associate with falling in love.

Not only that, but apparently these effects wear off after a time, allowing the extreme early feelings to mellow into a less passionate but potentially more stable relationship with the loved one. Which is something of a relief, since the headline announces that “Romantic love lasts just a year” - for a moment I thought we’d all been doomed to very brief relationships indeed.

These researches into the mechanisms of our feelings are all very interesting and worthy, I’m sure, but too often a crucial question is never asked. It may well be true that this neurotrophin is responsible for the feelings we experience in the first flush of love but what causes the chemical to be released in the first place? It seems to me that the chemical is much more a result than a cause and that the scientists are trying to catch a will o’ the wisp in all this.